Monday, October 14, 2013

The day the porn disappeared

umm high my name is gary i'm 7 years old, i was wondering if you could help me, my parents put a parental lock on the box thing and i can't watch porn movies any more and I was wondering if you could
tell me how to unlock it because I like to watch the porn movies. I used to watch National Geographic things with the pigmies they were just kinda gross looking and they weren't really hot and they really need
to eat something so they didn't really do it for me. I don't know what my parents deal is because they gave me a pop up book about how they make babies and that just scared the crap out of me
so I was just wondering if you could help me because I can't fall asleep at night if I don't watch "big boobs and chunky asses" so I was wondering if you could give me a call: its ABCD- wait no that's the alphabet.
Umm maybe just come to my house my address is umm... its... SON OF A BITCH

Friday, October 11, 2013

The day Kung Fu Panda's wasn't On Demand

yeah hello miss rodenhosen (or whatever the hell your name is). I'm just trying to watch the kung fu panda little collection thing and it's still not on there.
Wasn't on there today, wasn't on there yesterday. I mean I'm keeping up my end of the bargain,
I'm sitting on the couch waiting for it and you guys aren't keeping up your end of the bargain. I like kung fu, I like pandas. Here's a perfect opportunity to enjoy both- but you
guys are messing up with my stuff. you know you're messing up the works over here. What are you guys doing over there, sitting with your thumb up your ass looking for plums, because
you can buy those at the store you don't need to be looking for those in your asses. Now what am I supposed to do, read a book, what is this 1995 for chrissakes. Get your acts together.
I want my panda, I want my panda.

The day Julie took Britney's drink at Starbucks

Hey Julie, this is Britney bitch. I know you took my drink and I know where you work. I'm going to come over there and like mess you up.
And by the time I get through with you you're going to look worse than a frappachino made with whole milk instead of soy, HELLO CALORIES.

The day Buttah made Pasta Salad

hey julie it's me, it's your husband. I was just calling to say "hello", to see how you're feeling, see if you're busy, see if you ate the pasta salad that I made for you. Because I slaved over everything to make it for you. Because I chopped and I sliced and I mixed. Feel free to call me when you get this message if you have time, otherwise its no big deal. Love you, bye bye, kisses and hugs.